Sunday, April 12, 2009

Bafflements and Pet Peeves

I came a across a common phrase in a book I was reading earlier, a phrase which drives me nuts whenever I read it, or hear it spoken. This got me thinking about a few other things which boggle my mind or drive me crazy when I encounter them.

1. When you are buying donuts, or some other pastry at, say a big chain coffee merchant, you'll notice that the clerk/barista/baker/whatever thoughtfully uses a piece of wax paper to pick up your selections, protecting you from the germs on their hands, while placing your baked goods in a bag for you. Then you will see them also place the piece of wax paper covered on one side with their germs into the bag with the food. Why bother in the first place? Why not just use their bare hands?

2. On another hygiene note, why do the doors of public restrooms open inward? You enter a bathroom, conduct your transaction, wash your hands and go to leave only to discover that to get out, you must grip a door handle in order to pull the door open. So, even if you wash your hands, as all employees must do, you're putting your clean hands right on a handle covered with the filth left behind by every single person who didn't bother to wash their hands. Wouldn't it be wiser to have a door that pushes outward when leaving the bathroom, so that you could shoulder it open or something?

By the way. I have no phobia of germs.

Those were a couple of things that baffle me. Here's some stuff that really aggravates me.

3. I can't stand it anytime that anything or anyone, even for comic effect, refers to chimps, bonobos, gorillas, or orangutans as monkeys. They are apes. King Kong is an ape. Curious George, "the curious little monkey" is not a monkey. He is an ape. Note the lack of a tail on his behind. I realize that "monkey" is a much funnier word than "ape." It is not funnier then "bonobo." Hearing this drives me absolutely ape$#!+.

4. "You can't have your cake and eat it too." Yes you can. What you can't do is eat your cake and still have it afterwards. You can have your cake and do whatever you want with it. Once you've eaten it, there's only one thing you can do with it which is why whenever I see this phrase written as it is most commonly used, it also drives me ape$#!+.

That's all

for now.

Give me time though and I'm sure I can think of a few others.


Shawn Robare said...

I've actually started seeing weird arm-hook-thingies on the inside of bathroom doors so you can hook your forearm to open them. I guess it's cheaper than switching the brackets and augmenting the existing door frames, but it feels sort of weird to open a door like that. I'd rather shoulder it open.

Not that I need to start off a trend of similar language rants, but I always get peeved with the misuse of irony as coincidence. I think it's even to a point where the definition of the word has been changed since it's so commonly misused...

Peter Breese said...

Surely, John, you have noticed the piles of spent hand towels next to these inward opening bathroom doors... you are not alone. I just grab the door with the towel I used to dry my hand, hence avoiding the smegma, tuchas, and germ encrusted handle.

One of my biggest pet peeves is when anyone sights a percentage over 100. Percent is a fraction of 100, so it is impossible to have anything greater than 100. You cannot give 110%. There is no such thing as 200% - it's 2X or 2 fold.

John Rozum said...

Of course now, there are more and more restrooms that don't have paper towels as an option anymore.

As far as the bogus percentages go, I'm with you 200% ;)

Sujit Das said...

I actually thoroughly appreciate the wax-papered doughnut, but not for hygenic reason. The hygenic angle, as you so deftly point out, is nothing but a ruse - and Dunkin Donuts knows this. That said, the wax-paper fulfills a crucial role in the donut experience. I usually go with the Boston Creme when ever I partake in doughnut goodness, and there is nothing more odious than reaching into your bag of donut only to smear that chocolate icing all over the place. The wax-paper allows me to grasp both sides of the donut and gently slide it out of the bag, while leaving the icing intact. And this, in my mind, is why the wax-paper is crucial to the donut-eating experience.
Good day sir.